Unfortunately (or fortunately - opinions differ) they weren't very kind. While we are happy that Shlongg was chosen to be included in the round-up, we can't help but feel Shlongg didn't get a fair shake (and the jokes keep on writing themselves).

Most of the recommendations to us about the review has been "ignore it". Instead we've decided to take a page from the book of Dan Marshall and review the review! Of course, we're doing it in the hopes of improving the quality of the reviews at GameTunnel, while we believe Dan engages in this sort of activity to crush people emotionally.

   We'd like start out by saying how embarassing it is for a bad bug to be found during a game review. As noted by more than one reviewer, in Basic Training if you lost the ball you were basically stuck. While this bug doesn't affect the game itself, it doesn't exactly speak well for the rest of the software when someone sees this 2 minutes into basic training...

We do stand behind our software and a fix (along with exclusive mouse control in windowed mode and a couple minor graphics tweaks) is already in the demo and retail versions. If you already have the V1.0 demo installed and don't want to download 20 MB again, you can get just the patch in a .zip file here. Just overwrite your existing ShlonggDemo.exe with the new one.

Customers who want the patch for the retail version can send a request to the support email address.

"..But It's My First Day!"

    One might think we are starting out with Brian Clair's review because we're bitter about that score of 3 he gave us. 3 points. 3, big points. *Ahem* No, this is not the case. We're starting with Mr. Clair's because it needed the most work.

"Marketing must have been on vacation when this game was named."

Uh, this isn't Adrenaline Vault reviewing AAA games. This is the GameTunnel Indie Round-Up. Do you know what Indie means? I know I like to talk about NotSoft as "we", but basically it's all just me. A little background research next time. It's what good journalists do!

The next line and a half is very neutral and informative. It's not all bad!

"Perhaps with better graphics/audio, a better name, and a lot more polish, this title may have made more of an impact."

So it needed to be "better" and have more of that certain, je ne sais quoi, polish.

Try to remember to back up your opinions with references. You can't only say something is bad, you need to explain why it's bad, just like you can't just say something needs to be better. You need to suggest how it could have been better, or how it failed to live up to something better. At least, that's what good journalists do.

So, Mr. Clair, Remember for September: Do your background research and explain your opinions with references and you'll do fine!

"Sharp Darts And Short On Details"

   Let's jump back to the beginning at start with Mike Hommel's review.

Mike feels Shlongg's graphics are "horrendous". He did apologize for the harshness, but stands by his opinion.

This statement did make us feel a little bad, as we're very proud of our work. We've also heard lots of contrary opinions from others. Everything from "Beautiful", "Pleasing presentation", to "What more could you want in Breakout?" But horrendous? Come on!

But we feel better now. Doing a little background research, we stopped by Mike's Site and learned that his opinion of what horrendous graphics are can be taken with a grain of salt.

But that's just our opinion.

What was actually worse to read in a review is a statement like "there are many technical problems" and then not list what they are. They couldn't have been too severe, as he was still able to review this horrendous looking game. But still, thanks for leaving the threat of the "technical boogeyman" in the backs of the minds of all the potential customers!

On request, Mike was kind enough to send the technical problems that he could remember. He didn't remember stuff well as he plays "six dozen games a month" as part of his round-up duties, but the problems can be summed up with:

1. Alt-Tab issues
2. Basic Training Death Glitch mentioned in the first section
3. "Major unplayable hitches" if he was downloading while playing
4. A visual artifact in the chamber when starting a new game after fighting Shoss (the end boss)

There! So much for the boogeyman!

I think the rest is fair. He at least gives detail on what he doesn't like.

So, Mr.Hommel, Remember for September: Provide details where relevant! No more boogiemen!

PS: You can find out what the "sparkly star" does, along with just about everything else in the Shlongg Training Manual Supplement.

"No, Sorry, The Point Was Over That Way"

   Seth Robinson wrote a reasonable review. But he did miss the point on a couple of things:

"what didn't work is a paddle that uses acceleration and momentum making the controls feel clunky and unresponsive"

We can see how breakout purists might see it this way, but what of innovation? The controls can take some getting used to (and we recommend playing with the control sensitivity sliders under the Options menu to find a setting you find comfortable) but we feel it adds a fresh twist to a common mechanic.

"excruciatingly boring periods after you get the accursed 'slow ball' power-up"

Then don't collect them then! But they cetainly have their strategic role to play (like when you're trying to avoid a spread of clusterbombs, or keep 14 spheres going at once).

Shlongg can have slow moments here and there, but there's a lot of hairy moments too! It's a rollercoaster of emotions! And it's always different!

"Muddy and confused visuals (I dub thee the 'random vertex color' look)"

Good description and reference! (Mr. Clair I'm looking in your direction) But it was actually the look we were after. After all, alien architecture or constructions might very well look confused to our eyes!

See you in September, Mr. Robinson.

"The Nice One"

   Russ Carroll was nice enough to give Shlongg a 6, even though he thought it was just an "ok" breakout/arkanoid game. I think he at least appreciated the cinematics.

"I never could see why there was a playable transport system other than to break up the monotony of breaking bricks"

I see there's no fooling you!

Yeah, sorry again about the broken training section. The issue has been fixed and bl0ke resp0nsible has been sacked.

What else can I say? You're an old hand at this. See you in September!

"Take The Challenge!"

Are they right? Is Shlongg really horrendous and mediocre? We think it's the best damn Breakout inspired game since Arkanoid! What do you think?

Download The Shlongg Demo and decide for yourself!

Please tell us what you think on the contact page!